The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
June 1995
Jay Leno: My first guest stars in the
Golden Globe winning "X-Files" which can be seen Fridays on the Fox Network.
This is a good show, folks. I've seen it since he's been on. I really enjoy
the show. Please welcome David Duchovny. (Wild applause and screaming as
DD seats himself) Welcome back.
David Duchovny: Thank you. I...I...I
can't thank you enough for describing our show as "Pretty Good."
JL: Oh yeah? (Laughs)
DD: You know, when I came on the show
the first time, I hadn't seen it very much but I;ve had a chance to view
it recently and I gotta tell 'ya, it's pretty good.
JL: OH, thanks. Well, thank you very
much. Well, you know it is true. A lot of the time you have people on and
because you work the same time, you don't really get a chance to see their
show...
DD: Right.
JL: ...and uh, I saw an episode, I only
saw one episode before I had you on. And then I had you on and I started
watching it and now I'm hooked. It's very very good.
DD: All right, we gotcha. (Audience starts aplauding)
JL: No, it is, it's pretty DARN good.
You know, this alien gig seems like a great way to meet women. Women go nuts
when you come out here. (Women in audience scream)
DD: It's the FBI thing. All I have to
do show 'em a badge (mimics pulling out a badge and flashing it) and say
you know, do what I want and they have to. (more screaming) They are legally
bound by the U.S. Government to do what I want. It's a little known charter
in the FBI handbook.
JL: A little by-lay I was not aware of.
DD: When I studied for the part I realized
that. It's odd, though. I'd be out with my girlfriend wherever and you know,
people will scream, as they do for you I'm sure. How do you get used to it?
JL: Well, they usually scream becuase
I'm speeding past them in an automobile or on the sidewalk, but yeah, yeah.
DD: Well, people are screaming and of
course I'll think that there's somebody behind me like you for instance or
Elvis or whatever. (Laughter)
JL: Yeah, Elvis. (laughs)
DD: You never get used to it.
**There was a long, uncomfortable silence here**
DD: Yeah, but there's one thing you can
do. You can have a response like that and quell the screams completely.
(referring to pause)
JL: How 'bout your girlfriend; she's
on the show as well.
DD: That's right. She played a vampire.
JL: Right, right, right, okay.
DD: Yeah, so, you know, they just saw
what she was doing in real life and they just hired her. (Audience laughs
and then shows disapproval with some "Oooohs." DD grimaces and feigns a "Oh,
I shouldn't have said that" type of look and kicks his chair with his heel)
I've gotta find something for her to do at 11:30 tonight so she doens't see
this.
JL: Now, you grew up in the city; in
New York City.
DD: I did. I did. I grew up on 11th St.
and 2nd Ave. right across from the St. Mark's graveyard and Cat Corner or
Kitty Corner or whatever it is to the uh, uh, 2nd Ave. Deli.
JL: Cat Corner? (he laughs, audience
laughs)
DD: Kitty Corner? Is that like a strip
club or something?
JL: Kitty Corner would be a small corner
and Cat Corner would be a big corner.
DD: Oh, okay. It' New York...
JL: Weren't you an English teacher once?
DD: Don't bring that up.
JL: You were an English teacher.
DD: It's New York, it's a big Cat Corner.
JL: It's a big Cat Corner (ala Jerry Seinfeld).
DD: Alright, 2nd Ave. Deli is here, you
can get a roast beef sandwich and here you have a lot of dead dtuch people
across the street.
JL: (Laughs) Oh, the cemetary.
DD: We used to play baseball except the
gravestones were flat, they weren't the kind that stick up. And since we
didn't have bases...(Audience makes disgusted "Ugh" and "Eww" sounds)..it's
the only place we could play in the city. (Audience makes more disgusted
noises and Jay's laughing hard) No, we did. And we didn't call it 1st base,
2nd base, 3rd base. It was like, "Safe at Bvorsch, " you know, "Out at
Steiveson," you know. "He's rounding Steiveson, he's going to Van Dyke, he
slides into Van Dyke. He's safe! He's safe! He's in there!" So once you made
it into Van Dyke a sacrifice fly can pull you safely into Van Hueson (Audience
laughs hysterically).
JL: So are you having a good summer now?
DD: It just made it hard for me to pay
attention when I saw real baseball. You know, "What are you guys talking
about, 1st base, 2nd base?" It's a good summer, yeah. You know we went to
see the "Batman" premiere.
JL: Oh yeah? How was that? Was that exciting?
DD: Yeah, it was exciting except, you
know, before you got a premiere as I'm sure you know, they'd ask, you know,
"Are you looking forward to seeing the show?" "Who made you're suit?" You
know, you say, "Armani." THen you get to go in and see the movie for free.
Now, now they ask you like current event questions before they let you go
in to see the movie for free. It's like, "Who made your suit?" "Armani."
Uh, "What would you do to help Clinton get the Health Care Plan passed?"
(Long pause, then sheepishly...) "Armani." (Laughter) It's like, it's like,
I didn't study hard enough to come to this premiere. They sent me away, I
haven't seen "Batman" yet because I couldn't balance the budget. (Laughter)
I'm pretty pissed off about that.
JL: You know, they really do get goofy
about that. They'll like ask the silliest questions like, "What's the most
embarrassing incident?" and then, "What do you think about Bosnia?"
DD: Yeah! Right. It's like, "Oh, I had
my pants down and everyone was looking." and "I'd go in there. Thank you."
You know, it's like people think that actors or celebrities have something
interesting to say about actual events and it's JUST not the case. (Laughter)
JL: When you're doing "X-Files," is that
a fun show to do because it seems very intense these scenes...(Jay mimics
trying to look through lot of fog) and (he mimics spying by moving his eyes
from side to side, exaggerating).
DD: You have seen the show.
JL: Yes, it's always (Does the mimicking
again). It's like talking to Jack Webb a lot.
DD: Yes, it is. But, you know, you always
laugh in the places where you're not supposed to like you'll laugh at church
or laugh at the library. So, sometimes, we'll get a little giddy. We were
working on the show with John Savage where we aged to like 90 years old in
a couple of days. So, it's obviously a tense situation. I mean, if that's
ever happened to anybody (laughter), you know, aging to 90 in a couple of
days. If you would imagine that situation and John Savage had, he was playing
like a Norwegian guy who kept coming back to this word. And he had, he had
a line which was like, he was yelling at a guy abd he said, "B'LEAVER!" And
for some reason, it struck Gillian and I as the funniest thing. You know
he kept on saying, " (gibberish, gibberish) "B'LEAVER!" (Laughter) And we
kept cracking up every time. We were supposed to be huddled in a corner,
dying of old age at the age of 30 and everytime he'd say "B'LEAVER!" we'd
go...(makes a face about to burst from trying not to laugh). And se we started
saying, "leave it to B'leaver."
**At this point, the band plays the theme song from "Leave it to Beaver"
and the guy who played young Beaver comes out on stage. He asks if they call
for him and Jay says, "No, he said 'B'Leaver' not 'Beaver'." He leaves the
stage**
JL: He though you said, "Beaver."
DD: I know. Well, all I could say is
that I'm glad that the B'Leaver sahved 'cause I like a shaved B'Leaver.
JL: Now, you brought a clip, what is
the clip?
DD: Uhm, well, again, it's hard for people
to understand all the hardwork that goes into the show. It's a very tense
set. It's like, everybody's gotta fire all at once; everybody's gotta do
it perfect. So I brought a clip that showed everybody working together and
doing it right. I'm petty proud of it so...
JL: Let's take a look. I have no idea
what this is. From "The X-Files"...
Clip 1: Mulder and Scully are in a car. Mulder starts the engine and
puts it into drive. The car slowly pulls forward and suddenly jerks to a
halt as you simultaneously hear a screech that sounds like a cat that's been
run over. (Joke by the crew) DD and GA crack up and look up at the crew.
Clip 2: (Scene from "Die Hand Die Verletzt") Mulder walks up to the
school drinkning fountain in the hallway as Scully is walking behind him.
As Mulder presses the handle down, the fountain spouts water raggedly and
then it spits out a long, high one that nails DD in the face unexpectedly.
GA cracks up and automatically turns away to go back down the hall to do
it again and DD spits out the water and cracks up as well and follows GA
back down the hall.
Clip 3: (scene from "Excelsis Dei") DD is wading around in the water
(with only his head bobbing above it) that has flooded the hallway as teh
cast and cre watch knee deep in the murky water. The sound of a barking seal
is heard in the background. DD comments, "THis is my hot tub in my trailer.
I have a big star contract."
Clip 4: (Scene from "One Breath") A practical joke. DD gives a mischievous
and sly looking smile at the camera then turns to GA (who is lying on a hopsital
bed, supposedly hooked up to the machines, still acting "comatose") and grabs
what looks to be her nipples and tweeks them about 90 degrees. GA pops up,
her eyes bulging, he lets go, and she drops back down on the bed like a brick.
Clip 5: (scene from "Ascension") Skinner, Mulder, and Krycek are looking
on as Duane Barry is choking to death. Then Mitch Pileggi, DD, and Nicholas
Lea cover their ears, eyes, and mouth repectively, doing a classic take on
hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil.
(Jay is laughing hard. DD makes like he's going to tweek Jay's nippled as
well.)
JL: No, really, no thank you.
DD: That's uh...
JL: That's "The X-Files" on Friday nights
on...
DD: Actually that's a uh, medical procedure.
She was in a coma.
JL: Really?
DD: And I saved her.
JL: Well, that brought her out of it,
I'll tell you that. David, congratulations on your success.
DD: Thanks a lot.
JL: (To Audience) David Duchovny.
